We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
soo... how was my night?
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