I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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