I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
