I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
