I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
