I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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