My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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