I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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