I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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