whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
