before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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