I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
