Im at strip club and am horny
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
