Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
