i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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