i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the day after is always just damage control
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize