I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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