mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
