Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
