Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
