New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
