he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
