She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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