bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize