if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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