There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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