i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
