Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
