Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this boner is exhausting
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize