I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
