Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
