do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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