The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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