I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
