tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
