hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
