it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Drunk is not a location!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
