I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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