WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
