Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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