Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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