if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
