Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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