Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
God, I missed his penis.
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