I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would ride that face into the sunset
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
