You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
