She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
