theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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