STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
