Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize