so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
