Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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