So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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