Buhtt sex?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
