So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
