I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
