Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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