i jhust puked up my retainher.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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