Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drake has all the answers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize