I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
