Buhtt sex?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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