it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
