just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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