is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
