So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
