Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize