dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
