Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize