idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
