her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize