Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
