WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you made out with another girl for some wings
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
