you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
