At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
