Your dad touched me again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
