My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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