My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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