Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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