I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
