Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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