we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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