Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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