You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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