I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we're making bets on your personal life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
