Just fell off a train. Bad.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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