I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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