and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
