i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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