Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize